Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
