Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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