The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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