Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
