We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
