my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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