i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
