I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
