Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
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He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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