you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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