It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
