Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
vagina is talking i cant
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
