It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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