Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
