I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
