dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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