peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
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Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
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My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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