i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
