Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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