like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
