she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
