a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
All I want is dick and wine.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize