I'm so fucking centered right now
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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