I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
