The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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