so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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