So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
