if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
