who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I had to cum in my sink.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
