Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
