It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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