I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I touched a dick in church today
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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