Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
