And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
