I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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