Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize