i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
