I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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