so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
