So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
