So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
