but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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