i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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