I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
and she was petting her beer can
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
