Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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