the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
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