im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you guys were way drunker than both of me
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The uberlube is also flammable
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
