pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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