Your face is a jimmy john
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
