theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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