i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
