I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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