Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
