yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
