Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
