wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
