Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
