Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Randomize
