She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
