It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
