I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We are two peas in an std pod
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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