he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
