Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
