Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
