D3 body, D1 cock
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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