So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
