end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
