wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
