I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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