She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
