sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
