We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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