i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
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