the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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