I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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