how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
