It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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