You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
