i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
